At 201 lbs, I’m downright swinish, which I personally define as being shaped like a pig. Or a dirigible, more commonly known as a BLIMP. Mind you, I could be larger and heavier than I am,( as many people are!) and I thank the goddess I am not, AND that I’m not in pain constantly and am still able to walk and stand.
This does not mean I feel all the good about having no waistline and a ballooned ass, never being able to wear anything that isn’t stretchy on the lower 40, and having to wear men’s sized large T shirts to cover all the jutting bulge shelves I’m carrying in up front. I’m blubber city, I have joint problems, fatigue and health worries so let’s get real here: FAT and TOXIC, being BIG AIN”T FUN. I’ve got the ham sized upper arms and they hang and ripple like ocean waves when I’m drumming.
The good news is that I can still bellydance and I’m actually getting better at it, swinehood notwithstanding. And I’m now quite comfortable decking myself out in the requisite bellydancing happy swine queen hardwear: I have 8 charming rings for my fingers, bracelets, dangle-y earrings, a few necklaces, and silk flowers on clips for my hair. I need a new coin belt of my very own, but the other things I’ve been talking about actually now make me feel more like a bellydancer when I put them on before I bellydance in class.
I remember when I started how ridiculous and uncomfortable they seemed, garish, childish, somehow improper. I felt like a fat girl wearing christmas ornaments out of season. Overdressed. But I suspect it’s because I love my teacher and her style is one of color and heart and permissiveness to be oneself, even though I get tired of her yacking at me about how I need to keep my shoulders down when doing snake arms. I got all testy and defensive with her tonight because she’s losing weight and her upper arms aren’t as big as mine. So I wasn’t in the mood to be corrected about anything, being jealous.
I actually love my rings, bracelets, earring and flowers now, enjoy wearing them, feel attractive and myself in them, fat or not. So that’s Mrs. Happy bejeweled swine queen to you.