A miracle happened a few days ago. God actually did the dishes. By this I mean he immersed all of them in hot water with soap, possibly rubbed them with a sponge or wet rag, rinsed them, and piled them into the dish drainer, where they air dried completely.
But this miracle has not prevented God from coming forward with more commandments, handed down on high to me, the deeply inferior female being. According to God, the silverware drainer is “really gross”, despite the fact that I clean it periodically and God doesn’t. God has now told me that if I do not put the rinsed silverware handle down, that bacterial safety cannot be obtained. He was definitely not pleased that I bluntly refused to accept this new commandment as red, telling him basically he is full of shit because he has never done ANY dishes, EVER.
God did not take this well. He emphatically declared “YOU ARE A MONSTER”. I returned, hours later, there was a silent truce, and I left in the evening to pick a friend at the airport.
God’s latest dish washing peeve is that I have left soapy water in the dishpan overnight. He has decreed this taboo, not suspecting that he is the one who has been leaving the dishpan full of cold, greasy dishwater with food in it and dishes that need to be scrubbed for about 3 weeks since he began this campaign. He leaves buckets full of greasy water from detailing his vehicles, flea laden dirt water from combing the cat, and open cans of cat food without tops unto eternity but is not aware he’s the one doing it.