I had a pretty nice New Year’s Day. I made a spicy lemonade for my respiratory cough, watched a tear jerker movie at home: “PS I Love You”, and went for a walk out on the bluffs. When I was home in the evening, I caught an article about how there are now steam plumes from Fukushima that many are predicting will send radioactive isotopes over to us on the west coast of California within 3-5 days, which will mean tomorrow or the next day. The article advised everyone to buy tons of heavy plastic, duct tape, disposable white tyvek suits, a certain kind of gas mask, and to advise the boss at work now that covering the house inside and out to prevent inhalation of radioactive particles is going to need to happen.
This really ruined my evening for awhile. Reading the article only made it very clear that even if the writer was right, and doing all this taping of plastic and trying to prevent contamination in the house was going to work, it’s not going to guarantee jack about what is happening one way or another. There is simply no way of knowing for sure what, in fact, is going to happen and being able to conclusively do anything about it to protect myself or the world from it.
I am completely furious and pissed off at the world for having anything to do with nuclear weapons and power plants after Hiroshima and Nagasaki, which I think, should never have been bombed with so horrible a weapon. I can’t for the life of me understand how and why we are still here. Mainly I’m sad for the stupidity of the species and this needless destruction, along with so much other human bullshit, of this beautiful planet. In the universal scheme of things, I think we rate about insect level, except they are smart enough not to wipe themselves out. I hate nuclear, have since I found out about it in high school through reading about it, and had recurring nightmares about it for months after I learned about it.
I managed to paint a mandala of a Hathor, who are interdimensional beings from Venus that are supposed to still be around, though not in corporeal 3 dimensional form. They do everything by sonic vibration, and there are sculptures of them from ancient Egypt, where they were associated with Hathor the mother cow goddess and Sehkmet the lion goddess. I painted a figure surrounded by bright colors in a circle and put the word Fukushima spelled out with skulls for the U’s and jiggy jaggy black lines representing radiation outside of the circle of light.
I’ve spent so much time being afraid and worrying about stuff, struggling not to be terrified and screwed up about all kinds of threats in my life, real and imagined, that I have just chucked all that fear just to live. It’s not that I’m that prepared for all the things happening at all. I just don’t care to imagine I’m able to prevent any of them. I’m at peace with the fact that the last few years have been a whole better for me than most of the previous one because I choose a line of lessor resistance.