Brain Fog Time Warp Cluster Fck

Today I tried to make it to a dentist appointment I thought I had at 11:30 am, failed to get going soon enough, did my best to get there in as fast I could safely, and arrived at 11:40.

I walked in feeling mostly fucked, because I had sent an email chastising the dentist and her staff for telling me I didn’t respect their time and was “insulting” because I didn’t lie the last time I came in for mold casting when they asked me if I had brushed my teeth that morning.

I came in and sat down in the waiting room. No one was at the front desk, and the dental assistant came in and said there was no appointment on the books for me. I knew something was fishy, went out to my car and discovered that not only was the appointment supposed to be at 12:30 instead of 11:30, I had cancelled it by email instead of one that was in August that I didn’t want to pay another $300 bucks for.

I had earlier told the dentist in person at a consult appointment that I needed to stop coming because of money and work issues. She had then cut some of the fee for the apt in August and offered to make me a no cost retainer for my missing tooth. AND she had not charged me the $155 I had been told I would need to pay for that consult.

I’m hypothyroid, possibly Hashimoto’s and Lupus bound, estrogen dominant, gut fucked up, swollen, overweight and have shitty skin. Almost every day, depending on what, how much, and when I eat, I pass out for any where from 1/2 an hour to 2, and when I sleep at night, I don’t sleep, I mini coma out at night, and no matter how much sleep I actually get, feel tired  in the morning and have a hard time getting up.  I’m often tight in the body, and I have high blood pressure, white noise in my left ear constantly, and tachycardia.

I’ve deliberately not gotten treated because I don’t trust either tests or doctors. I’m often flushed, and fatigued for no particular reason. I can walk and do mobility exercises, but anything else active is out of the question. I’ve spent a year online researching this and have now become so surfeited with internet health gabble and health hustles that I have pulled back from it. I know I’m doing damage to my body and am lucky I have not had a stroke, heart attack or collapse.

I paid an online  cellular detox coach way too much money and fucked off his protocol.  I wasn’t clear minded enough to insist the expensive, specially trained dentist get down to business and get the god damned mercury out of my teeth.  I’m aware hundreds of thousands of other people are suffering from this shit, but I’m not a happy camper about it today.

Still, I have a book another woman loaned me which has proven useful and some other sources, and I know I have to clean my god damned teeth twice a day. In spite of everything, the dentist did show they gave a shit by getting on my case about brushing. So now I know I’ve got to get real hardass and ask the hard questions about getting the mercury out of my teeth before I ever climb into a to a dentist’s chair  again: what will it take, how long, how much.

About Shirley

I started this blog to expand and explore my rhythm horizons as a hand drummer. That exploration includes touching on the rest of my life and inner world as authentically and truthfully as possible.
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